http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/en-EUhttp://backend.userland.com/rss092http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/85/35fa1ec92dfd27c84f00ebc9a948ba_160x200.jpg <p>The name is good, the brand is big<br> But the work I do is that of a pig<br> The work or the brand; what is my way?<br> I don’t know if I should stay.</p> <p>To work, they have set their own way<br> Nobody will care to hear what I say<br> My will be NULL, they wont change their way<br> I don’t know if I should stay.</p> <p>The project is in a critical stage<br> But to do good work, this is the age<br> This dilemma is killing me day by day<br> I don’t know if I should stay.</p> <p>The money is good, the place is great<br> But the development is at a very small rate<br> Should I go for the work, or wait for pay<br> I don’t know if I should stay!</p> <p>The managers don’t know what they talk<br> The team doesn’t know where they walk<br> That’s a bad situation, what say?<br> I don’t know if I should stay.</p> <p>I can go to any other place<br> But what if I get the same disgrace<br> I can’t keep switching day by day<br> I don’t know if I should stay.</p> <p>The -ves are more, the +ves are less<br> Then why have this unnecessary mess<br> No more will I walk their way,<br> It’s all done, I won’t stay.</p> <p>Thanks & Regards<br> Employee</p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~</p> <p>Manager Response !!!<br> ~~~~~~~~~~~~<br> Reply: What I want to say? (Manager) </p> <p>The decision is good or decision is bad<br> Only God knows still I am glad<br> Keep moving in life that is what I can say</p> <p>If you feel right go in the same way<br> May god give you the work, the challenge you want<br> Anyway there is always a second chance<br> Chances are there, grab them snatch them<br> That is what I can say</p> <p>Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more….<br> That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)<br> From my experience I can tell you<br> Being in software development is like taking hell out of you<br> You are frustrated since you have no quality work<br> And you were frustrated because you had quantity work</p> <p>It’s always like that previous job was better than the current one<br> And expects the new job will be much better than this one<br> But what you get is a frustration level up to sun<br> Than you will again send the resignation like this one<br> This is all what I want to say</p> <p>Have you completed all the formalities?<br> Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)<br> At last I appreciate your contribution to the company<br> Even though there was not any….</p> <p>You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI<br> Don’t feel shy<br> As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi….<br> That is all what I want to say. </p> <p>Thanks & Regards<br> Manager </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/12/21/poetic-resignation-hilarious-5252717/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/12/21/poetic-resignation-hilarious-5252717/Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:01:03 +0100 <p>A wise woman was traveling in the mountains. She found a precious stone in a<br> stream. The next day on her journey she met a traveler who was very hungry.<br> Our wise woman opened her bag to share her food with the hungry traveller. </p> <p>The hungry traveler saw the precious stone in her bag and asked the woman to<br> give it to him. She did so without hesitation....... </p> <p>The traveler, rejoicing in his good fortune, left without a backward glance.<br> He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. </p> <p>A few days later the traveller came back to return the stone to the wise<br> woman. "I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but<br> I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more<br> precious." </p> <p>*Do you know what he said to the wise woman?*<br> :<br> :<br> :<br> "*Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone*" </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/06/24/very-impressive-4355174/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/06/24/very-impressive-4355174/Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:33:03 +0200 <p> A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear? </p> <p>The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. </p> <p>Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered:<br> Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed. </p> <p>The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys. </p> <p>The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your father told you about his side... </p> <p>--<br> Cheers</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/smart-4126696/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/smart-4126696/Sat, 03 May 2008 17:53:44 +0200 <p>(Passing requires 4 correct answers, no cheating!!)</p> <p>1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?</p> <p>2) Which country makes Panama hats?</p> <p>3) From which animal do we get cat gut?</p> <p>4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? </p> <p>5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?</p> <p>6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?</p> <p>7) What was King George VI's first name?</p> <p>8) What color is a purple finch?</p> <p>9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?</p> <p>10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/world-s-easiest-quiz-4126685/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/world-s-easiest-quiz-4126685/Sat, 03 May 2008 17:51:10 +0200 <p>Poetic Resignation</p> <p>The name is good, the brand is big</p> <p>But the work I do is that of a pig</p> <p>The work or the brand; what is my way?</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay.</p> <p>To work, they have set their own way</p> <p>Nobody will care to hear what I say</p> <p>My will be NULL, they wont change their way</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay.</p> <p>The project is in a critical stage</p> <p>But to do good work, this is the age</p> <p>This dilemma is killing me day by day</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay.</p> <p>The money is good, the place is great</p> <p>But the development is at a very small rate</p> <p>Should I go for the work, or wait for pay</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay!</p> <p>The managers don't know what they talk</p> <p>The team doesn't know where they walk</p> <p>That's a bad situation, what say?</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay.</p> <p>I can go to any other place</p> <p>But what if I get the same disgrace</p> <p>I can't keep switching day by day</p> <p>I don't know if I should stay.</p> <p>The -ves are more, the +ves are less</p> <p>Then why have this unnecessary mess</p> <p>No more will I walk their way,</p> <p>It's all done, I won't stay.</p> <p>Thanks & Regards</p> <p>Employee</p> <p>Manager Response</p> <p>Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)</p> <p>The decision is good or decision is bad</p> <p>Only God knows still I am glad</p> <p>Keep moving in life that is what I can say</p> <p>If you feel right go in the same way</p> <p>May god give you the work, the challenge you want</p> <p>Anyway there is always a second chance</p> <p>Chances are there, grab them snatch them</p> <p>That is what I can say</p> <p>Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more....</p> <p>That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)</p> <p>From my experience I can tell you</p> <p>Being in software development is like taking hell out of you</p> <p>You are frustrated since you have no quality work</p> <p>And you were frustrated because you had quantity work</p> <p>It's always like that previous job was better than the current one</p> <p>And expects the new job will be much better than this one</p> <p>But what you get is a frustration level up to sun</p> <p>Than you will again send the resignation like this one</p> <p>This is all what I want to say</p> <p>Have you completed all the formalities?</p> <p>Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)</p> <p>Once done you can take all your cash</p> <p>But don't refer others as they will follow you're a*s.</p> <p>At last I appreciate your contribution to the company</p> <p>Even though there was not any....</p> <p>You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI</p> <p>Don't feel shy</p> <p>As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi....</p> <p>That is all what I want to say.</p> <p>Thanks & Regards</p> <p>Manager </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/03/09/poetic-resignation-3840246/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/03/09/poetic-resignation-3840246/Sun, 09 Mar 2008 06:42:58 +0100 <p>Contribution from every reader is required and appreciated. $$ are not required to make this blog a success but sharing your knowledge with other users and readers of this blog will do the trick. Every reader who visits this BLOG is request to post some useful information to share his/her knowledge with readers to come. May be one day this blog might become the major source of general knowledge for public. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/02/07/general_knowledge_useful_information_kno~3691301/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2008/02/07/general_knowledge_useful_information_kno~3691301/Thu, 07 Feb 2008 05:57:10 +0100 <p>TO: ALL EMPLOYEES </p> <p>FROM: MANAGEMENT </p> <p>Dear Staff, </p> <p>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. </p> <p>If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. </p> <p>If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. </p> <p>PERSONAL DAYS:<br> Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. </p> <p>LUNCH BREAKS:<br> Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. </p> <p>Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. </p> <p>Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill </p> <p>SICK DAYS: </p> <p>We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. </p> <p>RESTROOM USE: </p> <p>Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category. </p> <p>SURGERY:<br> As long as you are employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. </p> <p>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. </p> <p>Have a nice week! </p> <p>Management </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/31/to_all_employees~3224371/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/31/to_all_employees~3224371/Wed, 31 Oct 2007 15:02:23 +0100 <p>GLASS OF MILK </p> <p> One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. </p> <p>He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. </p> <p>Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?" You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." </p> <p>He said .... "Then I thank you from my heart." </p> <p>As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit. </p> <p>Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. </p> <p> Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. </p> <p>Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. </p> <p>Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. </p> <p>He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case. </p> <p>After a long struggle, the battle was won. </p> <p>Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words ....<br> "Paid in full with one glass of milk" </p> <p>(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly. </p> <p>Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands." </p> <p>There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about? </p> <p>Now you have two choices. </p> <p> 1. You can send this page on and spread a positive message. </p> <p> 2. Or ignore it and pretend it never touched your heart. </p> <p>The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which To burn </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/17/glass_of_milk~3153452/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/17/glass_of_milk~3153452/Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:28:26 +0200 <p>*Hi Boss,* </p> <p>* </p> <p>People who do lots of work...<br> make lots of mistakes </p> <p>People who do less work...<br> make less mistakes </p> <p>People who do no work...<br> make no mistakes </p> <p>People who make no mistakes...<br> gets promoted </p> <p>That's why I spend most of my time<br> sending e-mails & playing games at work<br> I need a promotion.* </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/17/hi_boss~3153425/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/17/hi_boss~3153425/Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:18:44 +0200 <p>Heart Attacks and drinking Warm Water </p> <p> This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating. </p> <p> For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.<br> A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.<br> You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.<br> A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/16/heart_attacks_and_drinking_warm_water~3144402/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/16/heart_attacks_and_drinking_warm_water~3144402/Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:12:08 +0200 <p>There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining<br> the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successful in his job<br> and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was<br> sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate<br> the best food, mixed with the best people. All was fine until one day<br> the captain bought a parrot.</p> <p>The highlight of the parrot's day was going along to see the magician<br> in action in the evening. During the magician's performances, the<br> parrot would watch him very carefully during each trick, and<br> immediately after the magician had completed the trick the parrot<br> would call out in a loud squark, " It's up his sleeve, it's up his<br> sleeve," or, " It's down his trousers, it's down his trousers," each<br> time ruining the magician's trick.</p> <p>Well life was no longer as sweet and the magician started to struggle<br> to satisfy the passengers. The magician naturally got very tired of<br> the parrot and longed to kill it. </p> <p>Then one night in the middle of the magician's performances, the ship<br> hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone was killed except for the magician<br> and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage,<br> climbed aboard and collapsed. The parrot flew towards the magician<br> and perched on the edge of the raft and stared at the magician. </p> <p>For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the<br> parrot did not take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started<br> to stir, and looked up not really knowing where he was or what had<br> happened. He eventually found enough energy to sit up. He then<br> noticed the parrot, who had not stopped focusing his eyes on him all<br> this time. </p> <p>"All right I give up ..." chirped the parrot, "... What have you done<br> with the ship ?"</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/16/parrot_aamp_magician~3144391/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/16/parrot_aamp_magician~3144391/Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:07:47 +0200 <p>One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty and worn out with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. </p> <p> So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time. </p> <p> On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 points. </p> <p> Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 points ) </p> <p>Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 points)<br> a) Front Left<br> b) Front Right<br> c) Back Left<br> d) Back Right .....!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/think_twice_before_you_lie_too_good~3140109/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/think_twice_before_you_lie_too_good~3140109/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:14:28 +0200 <p>*A distinguished young woman* on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "*Father, may I ask a favor?*" </p> <p>"Of course. What may I do for you </p> <p>"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" </p> <p>"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: * I will not lie*." </p> <p>"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." </p> <p>When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" </p> <p>"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare </p> <p>The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" </p> <p>"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." </p> <p>Roaring with laughter, the official said, "*Go ahead, Father - - Next!*</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/honesty~3140103/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/honesty~3140103/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:13:24 +0200 <p>First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.</p> <p>The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."</p> <p>The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth."Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out,hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.</p> <p>When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/attention_aamp_observation~3137579/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/attention_aamp_observation~3137579/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:09:56 +0200 <p>A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. </p> <p>When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. </p> <p>The judge looked at her sternly and said: "So you're a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went through a stop sign.' FIVE HUNDRED TIMES</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/a_happy_judge~3137572/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/a_happy_judge~3137572/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:07:56 +0200 <p>* Bag of Potatoes* </p> <p>*A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a <strong>plastic bag</strong> containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that** a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people<br> he/she hates. </p> <p>So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week. </p> <p>Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended. </p> <p>The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?" </p> <p>The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. </p> <p>Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime?" </p> <p>Moral of the story: Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that "you will not carry sins for a lifetime. "</p> <p>Forgiving others is the best attitude to take! Love others even if you don't like them........ and if you want to see a better world. May Allah guide you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/bag_of_potatoes~3137566/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/bag_of_potatoes~3137566/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:04:28 +0200 <p>A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.</p> <p>His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"</p> <p>"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."</p> <p>"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."</p> <p>"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours." </p> <p>Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.</p> <p>"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.</p> <p>"That's his mistress," says her husband.</p> <p>"Ours is prettier," she replies.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/mistress_joke~3137553/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/10/15/mistress_joke~3137553/Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:00:57 +0200 <p>First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.</p> <p>The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."</p> <p>The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth."Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out,hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.</p> <p>When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/27/for_medical_student~2710233/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/27/for_medical_student~2710233/Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:38:05 +0200 <p>Did you know that stress can make you sick? I mean physically sick, not mentally sick. Most of the time when we are stressed, we say things like “I'm sick and tired” and that could be a lot truer than we think.</p> <p>When the body undergoes stress, your immune system begins to drop and the body becomes more open to germs leading to unwanted illnesses. Have you ever wondered why so many high school and college students often have a cold or the flu around midterm and finals time? Maybe you have noticed that many of your co-workers will get sick when there is a really big deadline that needs to be met.</p> <p>Not to worry, and I mean that literally. There are a number of ways that you can avoid stress. As much as we dread or dislike doing this you have to exercise. Working out is one of the most effective stress managements techniques there is. The exercise doesn't have to be an intense cardio workout. In fact, taking a 30 minute walk will suffice. Your local park will usually have a walking or bike path. Just try it out. As long as you can clear your head of all the things that you think about during the day, you're good to go.</p> <p>After we leave school, we tend to forget to do something really basic, something that is intrinsic to our educational learning. Believe it or not, writing can relieve large amounts of stress. Expressing yourself in the written form can reduce your stress level. You don't have to be a writer, just try it anyway. Everyday for a week, just write about anything and everything that comes to mind. Don't want your hand to cramp up from holding the pen so hard? Then type it out on your computer. You can keep it to yourself or you can post online, there are many blog websites out there. If you read other peoples blogs, you'll realize you are not alone. Still not convinced that writing does the trick? If you are creative in anyway, do what expresses you and your feelings. If you were a musician before, then try playing; a painter, then get some canvases; a singer, then find some music you like and sing along. There are endless ways a creative mind can relieve itself from stress.</p> <p>We should never be afraid to express ourselves. I was once told that it is okay to have a healthy crying session every now and then. If you feel like talking instead, call up that best friend or that sibling and speak your mind. Are you feeling angry? It is okay to feel angry, it really is. Emotions are a necessary part of being human so do not deny yourself that because if you do, you will stress out.</p> <p>Relax your body-center. I know that may sound a little bit crazy, but body-centered relaxation is a lot more common than you think. Yoga, massage therapy, aromatherapy, and breathing exercises are different forms of body-centered relaxation. I bet that sounds better than exercise right now, doesn't it?</p> <p>Finally, try to distract your mind from the stress by different activities. There are many ways to relax your mind, meditation and self-hypnosis are a couple. If that's not your cup of tea, you could try listening to relaxing music. Those are just some of the very simple ways to relieve your stress.</p> <p>Now let's move on to what we can do to minimize stress in our lives. Time management is something you start to get a better grasp of as you grow older. However, the majority of the adult world often has no concept of time management which can lead to high levels of stress especially in the work place. We really should put some effort into prioritizing our schedule so that we have an agenda and we are not just scrambling around like a lost soul in the dark, stressing about what you think you have to do next.</p> <p>This next one is a tough one. You should try to find an effective way of dealing with stress. By that I mean that you should figure out what works and what doesn't work for you in reducing your stress levels. I mentioned this before, and here it is again. You have to be healthy. That means you have to eat right, sleep well, and limit your alcoholic and smoking intake. That might sound like a sacrifice but it works. Try to make strong relationships with your family and friends. Studies have shown that those that have a strong personal network or support system can deal with stress a lot better than those who don't. Finally, minimize or stop all together those thoughts that cause stress. Work on your problem solving and you could feel so much better.</p> <p>In terms of evaluating stress levels, there are a variety of causes. Your stress level could be based on your family genetics, how much family support you have, your own attitude, or your ability to bounce back. Ultimately, your level of stress depends on how you perceive it and how long you let it last. There are a few ways to evaluate your stress level. You can go the professional route and talk to a counselor about it. Or you can check online, there are many stress level calculators on the Internet.</p> <p>As mentioned before, stress can affect your physical self. The more stress you have, the more likely you are to get sick because stress affects your heart and blood vessels, nervous system and immune system. The most common stress related issues are coronary artery disease, asthma and diabetes. Stress can also take it's toll on your emotions. You can become depressed, and as a result moody, anxious, and difficult to deal with.</p> <p>When we are stressed, our body releases hormones that increase your heart rate and respiratory system. The body then begins to prepare itself for danger and this is referred to as the “fight-for-flight” stress response. It can go unnoticed or it can be extreme. The more stress we have, the less likely it is we will feel good, physically and mentally. So try to eliminate that problem by not stressing out of problems most of us have no control over.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/04/don_t_stress_it~2569933/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/04/don_t_stress_it~2569933/Wed, 04 Jul 2007 08:30:16 +0200 <p>Starving for Intimacy</p> <p>Some are seeking love in a bottle. Others look for it on the streets and many are trying to find it in their food.</p> <p>Most of our food is grown on acres of land, sprayed by airplanes, cut by machines, moved by trucks or boats to plants automated to grind, package and ship. It is sent to stores where in bright colored wrappers; we are sold by seduction the richness of this product. We take it home open the can, package or jar one at a time to "feed" ourselves and maybe our family. The goal is often speed as we have or have had other obligations in the day. TV may be our entertainment as we consume this meal intended to nurture us.</p> <p>This food is also sold to a distribution plant where it is sent to food chains across the country to feed a growing segment of the population. They take the food, mix it to their formula in large vats, package it in measured amounts, ship it by trucks to their outlets to be prepared quickly by workers for their breakfast lunch and dinner crowds. In these restaurants or at drive thru windows food is dispersed in plastics or paper with speed as the goal so each of us can meet deadlines, time limits and multiple obligations. Some of us eat in our cars as we drive to other destinations or eat at our desk. What would happen if each day we had a pause in the day's occupation as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said in his poem The Children's Hour</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/04/starving_for_intimacy~2569891/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/07/04/starving_for_intimacy~2569891/Wed, 04 Jul 2007 08:20:34 +0200 <p>In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)</p> <p>We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get<br>all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.</p> <p>Employees who dont take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTALEMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).</p> <p>Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).</p> <p>Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they dont have to do S.H.I.T anymore,and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).</p> <p>For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T</p> <p>If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING,<br>SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).</p> <p><strong>Thank you,</p> <p>BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING</p> <p>(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)</strong></p> <p>P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to a few people who need S.H.I.T in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T Thank you for your time.</p> <p><strong>Sincerely,</p> <p>The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.<br>(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T)."</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/shit~2528988/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/shit~2528988/Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:03:18 +0200 <p>John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do. John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."</p> <p>The manager finished the deal and later said to John"You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.</p> <p>Which place are you from?" John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.<br> John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there." "My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.<br> John replied, "Which team did she play for?"</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/presence_of_mind~2528970/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/presence_of_mind~2528970/Wed, 27 Jun 2007 11:58:48 +0200 <p><strong>Three Dreams of a Man:- </p> <p><em>1) To be as handsome as his mother thinks.<br>2) To be as rich as his child believes.<br>3) To have as many women as his wife suspects.</em></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/three_dreams_of_a_man~2528927/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/27/three_dreams_of_a_man~2528927/Wed, 27 Jun 2007 11:51:45 +0200 <p> A husband wrote a letter: </p> <p><strong>"My Dear Wife, </strong></p> <p>You will surely understand that I have certain needs that your 54 year old body can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with <br>my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed - I shall be back home before midnight." </p> <p>When he came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table: </p> <p><strong>"My Dear Husband, </strong></p> <p>I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation,although with one small difference: </p> <p>18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. </p> <p><strong>Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow." </strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/to_start_your_day_aamp_enjoy~2520734/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/to_start_your_day_aamp_enjoy~2520734/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:41:26 +0200 <p> This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, <br>let's run through the rain." </p> <p>"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said. "No, we won't, Mom. That's <br>not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at <br>her Mom's arm. </p> <p>"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not <br>get wet?" Mom asked.</p> <p>"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his <br>cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us <br>through anything!'" </p> <p>The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear <br>anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left <br>in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about <br>what she would say. </p> <p>Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might <br>even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a <br>young child's life. </p> <p>A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into <br>faith. </p> <p>"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If <br>God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said. </p> <p>Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as <br>they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held <br>their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. <br>But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like <br>children all the way to their cars. </p> <p>And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing. </p> <p>Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they <br>can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no <br>one can ever take away your precious memories... So, don't forget to <br>make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday. To <br>everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under <br>heaven. </p> <p><strong>I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN </strong></p> <p>They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to <br>appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to <br>forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget and <br>remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It's a <br>short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. </p> <p>Take the time to live!!! </p> <p><strong>Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each <br>other -- and don't forget to run in the rain! </strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/run_through_the_rain_read_even_if_u_are_~2520695/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/run_through_the_rain_read_even_if_u_are_~2520695/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:32:54 +0200 <p><br><strong>Fill this blank with                  Yes or No?</p> <p>1. __ I don't have a BRAIN.</p> <p>2. __I dont have SENSE.</p> <p>3. __I am STUPID</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/who_said_english_is_easy~2520679/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/who_said_english_is_easy~2520679/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:29:05 +0200 <p>*B* elow are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer <br>them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. <br>OK? </p> <p>*Let's find out just how clever you really are....* <br>* </p> <p>*Ready? GO!!!* * </p> <p>*First Question:* <br>* <br>*You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What <br>position are you in? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p><u><strong>Answer:</strong></u> If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! <br>If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second! </p> <p>Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but <br>don'ttake as much time as you took for the first one, <br>OK? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Second Question: </p> <p>If you overtake the last person, then you are...? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p><u><strong>Answer</strong></u>: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong <br>again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? </p> <p>You're not very good at this, are you? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Third Question: </p> <p>Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. </p> <p>Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. </p> <p>Take 1000 and add 40 to it. </p> <p>Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. </p> <p>Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 </p> <p>Now add 10. What is the total? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Did you get 5000? </p> <p>The correct answer is actually 4100. </p> <p>If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! </p> <p>Today is definitely not your day, is it? </p> <p>Maybe you'll get the last question right.... </p> <p>...Maybe. </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Fourth Question: </p> <p>Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What <br>is the name of the fifth daughter? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Did you Answer Nunu? </p> <p>NO! Of course it isn't. </p> <p><strong>Her name is Mary. Read the question again! </strong></p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p>Okay, now the bonus round: </p> <p>I may have sent this one before. I'm never sure. </p> <p>A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating <br>the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the <br>shopkeeper and the purchase is done. </p> <p>Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; <br>how does HE indicate what he wants? </p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </p> <p><strong>He just has to open his mouth and ask...</strong> </p> <p>It's really very simple.... Like you! </p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/how_clever_you_are~2520666/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/how_clever_you_are~2520666/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:26:06 +0200 <p>There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. </p> <p>He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. </p> <p>But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who was an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. </p> <p>The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours. </p> <p>The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed. </p> <p>When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back. </p> <p>Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. </p> <p>You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first. </p> <p><u><strong>Lets change our vision..!! </strong></u> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/lets_change_our_vision~2520187/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/lets_change_our_vision~2520187/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 03:51:25 +0200 <p> <u><strong>Appraisal <br> Resignation </strong></u></p> <p>In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures. </p> <p> In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success. </p> <p>In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike. </p> <p> In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike. </p> <p>During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.</p> <p> During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success. </p> <p>There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal. </p> <p> There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.</p> <p><u><strong>Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future." </strong></u> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/comparison_study_appraisal_and_resignati~2520186/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://itsallaboutu.blog.co.uk/2007/06/26/comparison_study_appraisal_and_resignati~2520186/Tue, 26 Jun 2007 03:49:02 +0200